Good surprises can happen!

I had a difficult divorce (aren't they all?), and worked hard to make it work.

I think I have had confirmation that I did quite well.

I was recently invited to my former husband's home for a BBQ lunch by my son, my former husband and his new wife. Each asked me at different times to make sure I got the invitation.

This is an incredible shift from my own childhood and parent's divorce. Theirs was the worst kind of acrimonious divorce from the start to beyond my father's death. (Well, before then because their acrimony would have started during their marriage). My childhood felt so bad that I delayed leaving a bad marriage because I couldn't stand the thought of living the rest of my life the way they had....

So, it was really nice to be given that invitation!

Heart felt pain

I seem to be bringing more health warnings about the end of important relationships again this week.

Results released recent from an Australian scientific study ("The Cardiovascular Effects of Bereavement - CARBER") revealed that the emotional pain that some people experience when grieving can have a real physical impact. The study of 160 people (half of whom were in mourning) commenced in 2005 and looked at changes in blood pressure, blood clotting, immunity and heart rhythm activated during the acute phase of bereavement.

The researchers found that grieving could raise blood pressure, heart rate and result in changes in the immune system and clotting - all of which can contribute to an increased risk of heart attack.

There was a six-times higher risk of heart attack for those who had suffered the death of a partner or child. The risk decreased after six months and levelled out after two years.

I believe that the death of a marriage creates similar physical impacts - not just emotional. So many of my divorced friends talked about heart ache and chest pain, and I felt it too.

If you are or have experienced chest pain or other symptoms that are not usual for you, make sure you get checked by an appropriate health care practitioner. It might be easier to think that it is just your experience of your grief, but get it checked out anyway.