Things take time

Sorting out issues takes time. So does healing and moving on.

I tend to think that these processes are a bit like recovering from an injury. If you look for improvements minute by minute you won't see any gains, but if you look for improvement month to month you will see how much improvement occurs.

It takes time to get your head around changes in your life. It takes time to sort out what you need to do, when and how, and then of course, it takes time to implement these decisions and actions. Writing "To Do" lists can help to keep you on track, but make sure they have realistic time frames or you might feel like you are not completing anything.

Be prepared to revise what you had planned based on what is going on and remember to take into account any influences that you had not expected that might affect your desired outcomes.

What to do when things go wrong

We've all been there... 

Had the conversation that shouldn't have come out the way it did, had the look on our face no-one else should have seen (and definitely not our ex or his/her best friend or our kids)...

But it has.

And now we are stuck with the fall out - and how to contain it.  The fall out is a mixture of our own feelings- guilt, stupidity, blame, relief (we really did want them to know, didn't we?) and remorse, and an awareness that we have to DO SOMETHING.  

We have to move forward and we know the next conversations are critical, difficult and the last thing we want to do or think about, but knowing the best thing to do and doing it are different things...   

So, how do we manage?  The quickest way is to hide - to pretend that it didn't happen and that maybe they didn't notice.  Sometimes this works, but is probably better to acknowledge the proverbial elephant in the room and talk about it.  

Some quick steps and ideas to help:

• Notice how you feel, what we did and if possible, understand what led up to this.
  
• Accept that what you did and how you feel is OK.  It is in the past so you can't change it anyway.
  
• Decide where you want to go with this - what is important to you, and to the other key people involved.
  
• Consider what we could and "should" do - how does that sit for you and for others?
  
• What are the costs and consequences of each option you have considered?
  
• Which option is the best for your most desirable results?
  
• How can you make it happen - what do you need to do, who do you need to talk to?  Do you need to rehearse your speech, get some alternative ideas and if so, from whom?
  
• What is the best timing for you and others to achieve your goals?
  

Then - Do It!