Some Questions to Consider...

Are you ready to consider some tough questions when facing the details of your divorce?

Are you willing to admit that you had a part in the relationship breakdown just as your partner did?

If you consider that you want to have a great relationship with your children, can you allow your partner to have the same?

Will you allow your children to talk with you about the good times they spend with their other parent without getting upset?

What will you compromise on to have a workable separation and divorce?

Do you want to have a positive life that is not bogged down with the pain of your current experience? What would it take for you to move beyond this?

How we see and relate to our world, our experiences and our circumstances can be influenced by our beliefs and attitudes, as well as our self-talk and what and how we hear others say to us.

Choose what you want and work towards it.

Love your ex

It is OK to love your ex – many will tell you not to, and in fact most of us want to hate our exes because it makes the pain of separation easier to bear.

But, if we fall into the hatred and anger there is a chance we won’t come out of it. Or if we do, we will be substantially changed and might not find our way back to ourselves.

Remember, whether we choose to believe that we ended up with our former partners out of love, the promise of good things and beliefs, or whether we just want to accept that it was some kind of madness, a mixture of lust and longing, of wanting something more than we had before they were on our scenes, we did choose them. And we actively went into sharing some of the precious time of our lives with them.

Regardless of why it ended, if we get locked into the message of hate, of loss and despair we are likely to forget the good times, the things we enjoyed and the happy moments (few and far between though they might seem).

It is easy to forget that at one time we shared hopes, dreams and common goals with them and that we shared energy, drive and determination in working towards achieving these things. It is easier to focus on what the failures were, rather than where the successes (full or partial) lay.

Obviously there are relationships that have truly changed who we are and our experiences mean that we will never go back to the bright eyed and innocent dreamers we once were. The plus side is we have gained a whole lot of new insights into our strengths, resilience and ourselves as well as a deeper understanding of relationships.

Staying with the bad stops us honouring the good, and worse, it can keep us locked into the belief that we have wasted our life.

So, whom does it pay to stay with the hurt, frustration, anger and pain?

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